Dusk
by Potterhetfan
Summary: How I wanted New Moon to go. Lot of drama and love! Bella was shocked to find that the Cullen's did not leave and weren't leaving without her, even though Edward was long gone...
1. Chapter 1

"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" I heard an angelic voice ask but I couldn't reply. I just kept whispering,

"He's gone." I had been walking aimlessly around the forest for hours until I collapsed. Then suddenly I heard several perfect voices and felt someone pick me up and began carrying me somewhere. The same voice spoke again,

"I know, Bella. I know, sweetie." So familiar. I recognized it as a female voice and...oh, it's Esme. Esme! Edward said all the Cullen's were gone. My eyes suddenly snapped opened and I saw that Alice was carrying me. Alice! Running along side of her were the rest of the Cullens...except Edward.

"Alice," I mumbled before breaking into a fresh batch of sobs. Edward. Edward was gone.

"Bella, it's gonna be okay," Alice said soothingly. I shook my head because it wasn't going to ever be okay. With Edward gone, I would never be okay.

I closed my eyes because my head was spinning from the speed Alice was running. I need Edward. I need him to love me. More sobs.

Suddenly, the running stopped. I opened my eyes and saw we were in the Cullen home. Alice laid me down on the couch were I curled up into a ball and cried more.

After a moment I felt a rush of calm sweep over me. I sat up and looked at Jasper who was leaning casually against a corner in the room.

"Thank," I said hoarsely. He winked. I looked around the room and saw nothing but concerned faces. Even Rosalie looked a little worried which meant I must look awful if Rosalie wasn't glaring at me. Alice came to sit by me and I asked,

"Why are you here? Edw...he said you left." I couldn't even bring myself to say the name.

Alice scoffed. "We weren't just going to leave you behind Bella." Emmett chimed in,

"Yeah. I wasn't gonna leave without my little pipsqueak of a sister." I mumbled,

"I'm not family anymore." My heart felt like it broke into a million pieces when I said that. Even the calm that Jasper still had surrounding me couldn't stop that. I was shocked that the one who spoke up first was Rosalie,

"Bella, as much as I would like to deny it—you are family. We won't leave Forks without you." Carlisle said softly,

"Unless of course, you want us too. We would understand." My eyes widened at the horrific thought of never again seeing the Cullens.

"No! Absolutely not!" Everyone smiled at that except for Rosalie who's eyes showed an emotion I had never seen on her. Regret?

Alice then began explaining the plan,

"Charlie already has a search party out looking for you so, we're going to take you back to the trail in the forest. You'll lay down and let someone come find you. Act extremely upset and do anything you can to be alone in your room. Pack a bag with some clothes and personal items in them. Write a note to Charlie and put it on your bed for him to find. Make it seem as though you and Edward have run away together. I'll be there at ten o'clock to come get you. At that point you can send a goodbye email to Renee if you want."

I was never going to see Charlie and Renee again. They were my family. As I looked around the room though, I realized that this was my family too. These really were my brothers and sisters and I thought of Esme and Carlisle as my second parents. The thought of leaving this family hurt ten times more then the thought of leaving Charlie's house. So I agreed to the plan.

Alice began running back towards Charlie's and the moment we were out of the house the calm feeling was gone and it had left me with a feeling of utter despair. Aside from the despair though was something even more powerful and this something was keeping me from dissolving into a sea of tears. Pure adrenaline. I had been told before that adrenaline is like a natural high but that's not how I would describe it. The adrenaline made my blood pump faster and my whole body fearful and excited at the same time. It was keeping me going and giving me the will to do this.

When we arrived somewhere on the trail and Alice put me on my feet, I grabbed her arm.

"You are coming back right?" I had to be sure. She smiled and confirmed,

"I will be back at ten. I promise." I nodded and then let go of her arm. When she ran away I stuck with the plan and laid down on the ground and curled into a ball once again. It wasn't long until a police officer that Charlie worked with came and fount me. He asked,

"Bella? Are you hurt? What happened?" I stood up, trying to look as weak and upset as possible.

"I-I'm fine. I just couldn't do it anymore. H-he left...he wants, oh god..." I trailed off and he wrapped an arm around me and directed me to walk with him on the trail.

"It'll be okay. Just calm down. We've been looking for you for hours. I could have sworn we checked here though..." He rambled on and I stopped listening after a moment. I just focused on looking distraught.

The walk seemed to last forever but finally I could see Charlie's house. When we got there, around fifteen people were in the yard. Charlie spotted us and ran over to me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Oh Bells! What happened? Are you alright?" Here it goes,

"Well, Dad I-I was with Edward and...he...I don't want to talk about it right now Dad." I let a few tears stream down my face for dramatic affect. He nodded

"Well alright. As long as you're okay. Guys, call off the search party!" We went inside after that and went into the living room. We both sat down on the couch and he asked,

"Are you hungry? Do you need something, Bells?" Here comes the hard part,

"No Dad, I just think I need to be alone for tonight. I'm gonna head upstairs."

"Okay, well let me know if you need anything." We both stood up. I got caught up in the moment and wrapped my arms around him, definitely shocking him.

"I love you Dad," I murmured in the most steady voice I could manage. He replied gruffly,

"'Love you too, Bella." I let go of him and studied his slightly wrinkled face for a moment. I wanted to always remember him. That's when I got an idea.

"Hey Dad, stay here for a second." I ran off and fount my camera by the door where I left it last time I used it. When I returned, I asked him to smile.

"Why do you want to take pictures now?"

I shrugged. "I just want to. Please smile." He reluctantly smiled and I took several pictures of him. I was going to take one of him and me but I remembered that I already had one and I probably looked awful at the moment.

With a final 'I love you', I headed up the stairs. At the last step I paused. The last time I'd ever see my father. More tears streamed down my face as I walked into my bedroom to prepare a false scene so I could move with the Cullens. Without my Edward.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it and remember to _review_****! **

**Quick Question: Do _you _think this should still be an Edward/Bella? Or maybe a Bella/Jasper or Bella/Emmett?**

**-Casey **

As I fumbled through my closet looking for my old black duffel bag, I felt numb. I knew that if I focused on any other emotion at the moment, I might have a breakdown. So I let the numbness overcome me.

There wasn't much to pack, mainly because I didn't bring much to Forks in the first place. Other than some pairs of clothes I packed my worn out copy of _Wuthering Heights_, the dream catcher Jacob got me for my birthday, my camera, and my hairbrush. As I packed my photo album I wasn't surprised to find that the pictures of him were gone. _A clean break. _

I wanted to grab a few things from the restroom but I wanted to be sure that Charlie wasn't upstairs. So I opened my door just a crack and got really close to it to listen. I heard him down stairs talking to someone I vaguely recognized as one of the police officers that Charlie works with.

I took the opportunity and dashed into the restroom, gathering what I needed and running straight back into my room, quietly closing the door. I tried to think like a runaway and think of things I would bring if I was actually running away; clothes, toiletries, items of significance, money. _Money. _I collected all the money I had in my room from various places—pants pockets, desk drawers, old birthday cards from family members, and my backpack. All together I collected around 150 dollars and stuffed it all in the backpack.

Once that was done I glanced at the clock and it read 9:16. I grabbed a notepad and a pencil from my backpack and began writing. It took five tries before and several tears for me to come up with this:

_Dear Dad,_

_I know you won't understand this but I have to leave. Don't worry, I am being well taken care of. I have a home to go to and I don't want you to look for me. Edward is with me as well and we'll be fine. Please take care of yourself and know that my leaving had nothing to do with you or with Mom. I've simply fount a way to truly be happy. I hope you understand that this is what I _**_need_**_and though I desperately wish I didn't have to leave you, it's the only way. Stay safe. I'll miss you everyday. _

_Love Always And Forever,_

_Bella_

After I finished that I set the note on my pillow before I fired up my computer. It started up really slowly but once it did I opened my email and began typing my email to Renee but I knew I wouldn't send it till Alice came to get me because I didn't want to risk her reading it before then and calling Charlie.

_Dear Mom,_

_Tonight I am especially glad that you have Phil. I know that he'll take care of you when I can't. I'm so sorry Mom but I am leaving Forks. It has nothing to do with you or with Dad...it's just something I need to do. You believe in destiny, right? Well, this is my destiny. Forks has given me something I thought I'd never have. It gave me a place that I belong and fit in. Unfortunately, that place isn't here. I'll miss you and I really wish it didn't have to be this way._

_Love Always And Forever,_

_Bella_

I left it like that and opened the window for Alice whenever she arrived. I sat down on my bed and cried into my hands. Too much had happened in one day. The love of my life told me he didn't love me, he's fled to God knows where, The Cullens told me they wanted me to move with them, and I had to say goodbye to Charlie. Of course, every other problem was overshadowed by Edward leaving.

Edward was my everything. I sounds a bit corny but he was my silver lining. I knew it had been to good to be true. How could someone so perfect ever love a human like me. I wasn't even a special human. I have no talents—unless you count being able to trip on flat surfaces—and I'm not extremely pretty. I'm surprised he stayed with me as long as he did. I should consider myself lucky that I ever had him at all even though it came at a very high price; my heart. That's what he took with me when he left.

I had barely managed to get myself together when Alice appeared at my window.

"Are you okay, Bella?" What a silly question to ask.

"No. I'm really not." She smiled sympathetically and came over to wrap me in a hug. She murmured,

"You'll survive this."

I scoffed. "Would you survive if Jasper left you?" When our hug ended she sighed.

"I really don't know," she replied. I nodded and said,

"Yeah. Well, I guess I'm ready to _go_." My voice broke a little on the word 'go'. She picked up my duffel bag and carried it on her back. I pressed the send button on my email and then Alice scooped me up into her arms. I took one more look at my room with a tear in my eye before Alice jumped out the window and was running full speed to the Cullens.

Once we arrived on the Cullen's porch, she put me on my feet and we walked inside. Emmett and Jasper were playing some sort of army game when we walked in.

"Who's winning?" I asked, vaguely interested.

Emmett shouted over the sound of the video game, "Me, of course!" Jasper responded,

"You wish!"

"Forty bucks says I win," Emmett boomed, making Jasper chuckle.

"You're on!" As there shouting continued Alice led me up the stairs. I asked,

"Where are we going?" The only response I got was,

"Patience is a virtue."

When I rolled my eyes and muttered, "Crazy pixy," she laughed. She led me to a room I'd never been in before. The room reminded me exactly of a hotel room except that on the desk there was a computer but other than that this room could have been straight from a hotel. Alice sat my duffel back on the large bed in the center of the room and explained,

"This is one of the guest rooms which up until now has really just been for show." Without my permission she opened my duffel bag and began going through my clothes. She made a disapproving _tsk _sound. I sat down on the bed and asked,

"What?"

"I had hoped you owned some sort of fashionable clothes but apparently you don't and if you did you didn't bring it. We're definitely going shopping this weekend." Normally I would groan and argue with her but at the moment I wasn't opposed. I'm constantly surrounded by the most gorgeous creatures in the world and it made me feel out of place. It was a long shot but some nice clothes might make me feel a little more like a Cullen—like someone who belongs. So I responded,

"Sure, Alice." Her eyes suddenly lit up and she asked,

"Really?"

"Yeah."

She began jumping up and down. "Oh yay! I'm gonna go talk to Esme and Rosalie! We'll make it a Girl's Day Out!" I rolled my eyes as she left the room and laid down on the bed. My mind wandered back to my photo album.

I couldn't believe that he had taken those pictures. Other than the Cullen's themselves, those pictures were the only proof I had that that perfect being had ever existed. I desperately wanted those photos. I desperately wanted to see him but, truthfully, I desperately wished that he loved me. If he had loved me then he wouldn't have left, I wouldn't have left Charlie, and I would be in my bed with Edward at Charlie's house right now.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a knock on the door. I wiped the tears from my eyes and, knowing whoever it was could hear me, muttered hoarsely,

"Yeah?" To my complete shock, Rosalie peeked her head in the door.

"Do you mind if I come in?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Uh, yes of course," I stammered and Rosalie came in and quietly closed the door. I sat up and watched her curiously as she grabbed the desk chair and came to sit next to me. There was silence as we stared at each other. Her flawless features were smooth and I was sure my face showed my curiosity. We were silent for a few more moments when she suddenly said,

"Don't do it Bella."

My brows furrowed. "Don't do what?" She explained,

"Don't become a vampire. I know you'll probably ask Carlisle to change you and I know he will. Everyone thinks of you as family and Carlisle wont hesitate to make you like us if he thinks you want it. Bella, you don't want it. Edward is gone. He was all that made you want to be a vampire, right? Well he's gone. So don't let your sadness cloud your judgment."

Wow. I didn't know what I expected Rosalie to say but that definitely wasn't it. For several seconds I considered all the possible ways I could reply and settled for saying,

"Rosalie, if you don't mind me asking, why do you care?"

She sighed. "I care because you have no idea what you'd be giving up. You would always be frozen in place, just as I am now. You'd never grow old or have children. When I was human, I wanted those things. I wanted to get married and live in a big house where I could grow old with my husband and have lots of children and grandchildren to watch grow up and then eventually die, gray headed in a hospital surrounded by loved ones.

"I never wanted this life and, to be honest, I'm very envious of you. I would give anything to trade places with you and yet you are willing to just throw away everything you have to be something you can't possibly understand!" The last few words came out as a yell and I winced a little.

How could she say I didn't understand? I knew all things she was saying. Everyday I get older and closer to death while I watch the people around me stay frozen and perfect. It wasn't right.

Then there was the thing she said about children. How could I ever want children? Edward can't have children and he's the only man I will ever be with and he's gone anyway.

I began slowly, "I mean this in the nicest way but...we're very different Rosalie. The love of my life is a vampire and so is my best friend. And whether or not E-Edward loves me or not, I will do everything in my power to be like him. All the things you mentioned mean very little to me." Another flicker of anger came across her face and she demanded,

"What about children? You can't have children as a vampire." I responded softly,

"The only person I would ever have children with is a vampire." She stood up swiftly in her chair and turned away, looking out the window.

"I had been so sure I could do this calmly," she turned back to me, "Will you at least think about what I have said?"

"Sure, Rose," I agreed quietly. She nodded and left the room.

I laid back down and the distraction that Rosalie had offered was gone now and I was left with my sadness and grief. Almost immediately the sobbing began. I curled up and grasped on to the thick comforter and sobbed. Almost instantly, Alice was sitting on the bed next to me. She laid down next to me and moved a strand of hair out of my face.

"Ah, Bella. I know you're hurting but it's going to be okay. Everything'll work out, I promise." Her words brought me no comfort and made me sob harder because I wanted desperately to believe her.

I continued to cry nonstop for hours. At some point, everyone tried to comfort me. Esme's words had been,

"I remember a time when I felt a sadness very similar to yours. Sweetheart, I will get better."

"Don't cry, squirt. How am I supposed to tease my little human sister when she's upset?" That had been Emmett's input. Carlisle said,

"I may not understand why my son has done this to you but I consider you a daughter and I hope you know that we'll always be here for you."

Even Jasper's waves of calm had very little effect on me. His waves of calmness had worked just long enough for Esme to force some food in me before the sobs came once again.

I missed him so much. Even just the thought of his name made me want to rip out my chest so I tried not to think his name. I just wanted him here with me. I wondered what he was doing and where he was at and made a mental note to ask Alice later. A part of me hoped that wherever he was he was happy and then another part of me hoped he would hate wherever he was and come running back here but that part of my mind knew it was very unlikely.

At some point Alice put me in some pajamas that I packed and Carlisle asked me to take a sedative. At first I refused but he insisted so I took the little pill. It wasn't long until I felt myself calming down and eventually I fell asleep.

For the most part my sleep was dreamless except for one unusual dream.

I was running. I was in the forest by Charlie's house and I was a vampire. My eyes were red and wild and my features were now smooth and pale. Suddenly, I ran into something. It was my Edward in all his perfect glory. We were standing at the very place where he had left me.

"Edward! I'm a vampire now," I exclaimed. He looked at me approvingly.

"I see that," he murmured and my face fell a little.

"Don't you like me now that I'm like you?" My favorite crooked smile spread across his face and he responded while stroking my cheek,

"Definitely. You're perfect now."

When I awoke from my dream, Alice was standing beside the bed.

"Charlie was just here."


	4. Chapter 4

**Monday**

The fact that Charlie had just been here sent shivers down my spine. Alice gave me a play by play of what happened and it seemed that Charlie was both angry and devastated. The mere thought of Charlie made me want to curl up in a ball but at least he was safe from the Cullen's secret. She gave me a minute alone and I used that time to examine myself in the bathroom mirror. My hair was knotted and frizzy and my face was streaked with dried tears. I used my hair brush to get out out the knots in my hair and splashed some water on my hair to flatten it out a little before washing my face.

I eventually made my way downstairs and was met with sympathetic smiles from the four people in the living room; Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, and Esme. I sat down and tried to act normal because I didn't like the attention I was being given.

"Hey Bells," Jasper said in his southern drawl of a voice, "Do you wanna play chess or something?" In a lame attempt to keep up the normal pretense I agreed. After two wins of chess I just had to intercede.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?" He asked innocently.

"Stop letting me win."

"Sorry." So we played once more and this time he completely creamed me. After that we all just sat in the living room and something was on the television but I wasn't listening to it. The distraction that Jasper had provided quickly wore off and I went back upstairs. I curled up in a ball and sobbed for what felt like an eternity. When the sobs finally subsided I got up with the beds blanket wrapped around me and perched myself on the unusually large windowsill. I opened the window and felt the cold air against my skin. The usual rainy Forks looked even sadder than usual. It wasn't raining but the sky was extremely dark and the wind was cold and sharp. It was as though Forks could sense my feelings and had copied them. You could almost smell the despair in the air but the cold air seemed to have an effect on me. It wasn't long until the numbness I had experienced at Charlies over came me once more.

**Tuesday**

"Esme, I'm not hungry," I insisted as she pattered around the kitchen and I sat at the kitchen isle.

"Honey, you need to eat. I'm not an expert but I know humans need to eat three times a day and you didn't eat anything yesterday." I sighed. At 11 AM I was dragged from my bed by Alice who brought me down to Esme. Esme was cooking an odd breakfast and I was guessing that she was cooking the items that didn't smell repulsive to her vampire senses. She cooked an abundance of pancakes with blueberry syrup, had a bowl of grapes, a glass of orange juice, and-this is the weird part-a bowl of macaroni and cheese.

"Really, I'm fine," I said but I was losing hope.

"Oh, really? Carlisle!" Esme called and I lost all hope. The doctor. Carlisle came into the kitchen with a smile on his face. It was that same smile everyone had-sympathetic and trying to act as though everything is fine even though it's not.

"Bella, you really do need to eat. It's not healthy." With both kind faces staring at me it was impossible to argue.

"Alright," I conceded and Esme sat the food down in front of me. I picked at most of the food at first but as I started to eat I realized how hungry I was. Did I really not eat yesterday? I racked my brain but the only thing I could remember was crying and the feel of the wind as I sat at the window for hours. I ate all the food and drank the orange juice before heading back towards my bedroom as the tears started to form once more. I got to the second floor and was about to head up to the third when I was stopped by Emmett.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, brotherly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, sniffling and wiping away my tears. He wrapped his arms around me and before I could stop it there were tears streaming down my face.

"Aw, Bella. My brother is a jerk."

"No he's not," I protested weakly.

"Yeah he is, Bells. If he wasn't a jerk he wouldn't have left you."

"Not his fault that he doesn't love me," I sobbed. Emmett began helping me walk up the stairs.

"Trust me, sis. If he didn't love you, he'd still be here. He thinks he's doing the right thing but he's just being an a**." Yeah, right. I just couldn't believe that he loved me. It was just too unreal.

**Wednesday**

I was sitting by a vent on the second floor eavesdropping on the conversation happening downstairs. Alice was sitting next to me so she could catch me if I tried to run downstairs. Charlie was downstairs with Carlisle and Esme.

"God, I just-I can't believe this. I-I don't want to. I can't believe they'd do this," Charlie said gruffly. I could tell by his voice that he was either crying or had just got done crying.

"I know. We've checked with all our other residents to see if they've shown up but so far there's been no sign of them. I just hope they show up," Esme's voice cracked at the end of her sentence.

"Oh honey," Carlisle said soothingly. They were great actors.

"I-I should go. I'm gonna go back to Missing Persons. Do you want to go? I know the police took your statement when I was here on Monday but if you wanna go, it couldn't hurt."

"We would but I don't think I could handle it," Esme replied.

"I understand. Let me know if you here from them, okay? I'll be back around soon." I heard the door open.

"We will." The door closed just in time because right after that I burst into tears.


	5. Chapter 5

Thursday

Charlie came by again but only for a minute. It was enough though to keep me locked away in the room all day, refusing to let anyone in. At the end of the day Alice announce through the door that we were going on the shopping trip tomorrow instead of on Saturday because she wanted me to cheer up. I wasn't really sure if I could handle it.

Friday

I was dragged out of bed at six in the morning by Alice who had me dress in my red shirt and long beige skirt saying it would 'do for now'. She spent over an hour on my makeup beforehand she curled my hair. I tried to argue but there was really no point.

Esme, Rosalie, Alice, and I then drove to a mall in Seattle. Esme and Alice were having fun and Rosalie hwas clearly trying to not be, uh, bitchy. It quickly became clear that the purpose of the trip was to buy me a whole new wardrobe.

Alice seemed very surprised that I was willing to let her pick out my clothes but honestly I didn't care anymore. It didn't matter to me what I looked like. I was paraded through several stores and tried on more outfits than I could count.

We left the mall with at least 10 bags and I was pretty sure only one bag didn't belong to me. As we drove back home in Esme's car with one-sided windows, we passed several Have You Seen Me? posters of me and Edward. The picture of me I vaguely remembered Jakob taking at the La Push beach. Thankfully, the picture of Edward did not reveal him smiling my smile so it did not send me into complete depression but to prevent seeing anymore posters I leaned against the seat and closed my eyes for the rest of the way.

When we arrived home I almost immediately made my way to the room I was beginning to consider mine, only to find Emmett standing over what appeared to be a black antique makeup table.

"Alice," I muttered, mostly to myself but she appeared next to me carrying more bags.

"What do you think?" Alice's face was full of anticipation. I looked at the table a little closer and I had to admit...

"It's very pretty," I smiled ever so slightly.

"Wow, and we have a smile! Finally," Emmett guffawed sarcastically and I rolled my eyes, "That shopping trip must have been a good idea."

"I knew it! So, you really like the table?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, Alice. I think I do."

Saturday

I had half expected to be awoken at the crack of dawn once more which is why I was so surprised when I woke up at nearly eleven AM. I took a shower and changed back into a tank top and shorts before examining my closet to find an outfit for the day. There were so many dresses and skirts and heels. I had no idea what to put on.

"Alice," I called and she was there.

"Don't tell me you hate the clothes. You weren't paying much attention yesterday." She looked worried.

I shook my head. "No. I just have no idea what to wear. I need your hel-" I was interrupted by her excited squeal.

"Oh my goodness!"

"On second thought..."

"Oh no you don't. This'll be so much fun!" She spent the next half hour showing me various outfits before she settled on a sea green dress with two thin straps and almost no back that cut off sideways at the knees. She picked out a pair of very light brown half inch wedges with sea green straps.

I was gonna get dressed when she insisted doing my nails to match first, which of course led to makeup and then to hair. By the time I was dressed I felt as though the whole day was gone.

She then excitedly led me into the bathroom so I could see myself in the floor length mirror. I gasped.

"You like?" I nodded. Standing in front of the mirror was a gorgeous hollowed out version of me. But that's all it was. A hollow version, missing the key something or someone that made me whole.

The whole family had gotten a kick out of my new appearance, well except for Rosalie who just smiled politely.

After this I quickly realized that there was some sort of 'Who can keep Bella the busiest?' contest going on. Esme was teaching me how to make Italian food, Emmett was kicking my butt at video games, Alice seemed to think she could teach me about fashion, Carlisle had lent me several of his age old books, and even Jasper who rarely spoke to me was trying to teach me French. Rosalie was tolerating it.

Sunday

I had had an extremely long day and was on my to bed when I saw Rosalie on the second floor balcony with no one else in with no one else in sight. That was my chance to talk to her. I slid open one of the doors and walked out, being careful not to trip on the black heels Alice had me dressed in today. The night was clear and there was a slight breeze. I walked next to where she was standing and leaned against the edge.

"You're wrong you know," I said, trying to sound confident. She glanced at me for the first time and quirked an eyebrow.

"About what exactly?" Here it goes.

"Edw-him being the only reason I want to be a vampire. He's not. You're also wrong when you say I don't understand your want to be human. I do understand that because I feel the same way in reverse. The only difference is that there's still a chance I could get what I want, what I need. You can't and that is really horrible and I understand that you hate being a vampire and you didn't choose it but you and I are two very different people and _you_ can't possibly understand how much I need this."

She looked as though she'd been slapped in the face several times and I wasn't sure what possessed me to be so brave or so mean all the sudden. I was surprised that her response was so short,

"After you're a vampire there'll be one thing you'll need more. Something you'll be willing to kill for. Blood."

"There's another thing you're wrong about. No matter how much I crave blood as a vampire the only thing I'll ever need more than being a vampire is already gone."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I know it's way too short! Don't shoot! Please review though!**

**Sunday (Continued)**

I turned, not waiting for a response, and headed back downstairs to the living room where I fount everyone gawking at me.

"What?" I asked.

"We're all just questioning your sanity," Emmett said before meowing at me, winking, and heading up the stairs.

"My sanity is fine," I assured them as I sat down in a big white chair.

"That was just, uh, quite the conversation you had with Rosalie," Said Carlisle.

"Yeah, uh, it was necessary." All part of the plan. Actually, I don't really have a plan. I should make a list.

"Was it?" Asked Jasper.

"Well, in my opinion at least." I really don't wanna talk about this.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Esme asked, her voice caring and concerned. I noticed that no one was mentioning how I wanted to be a vampire.

"Yeah, I'm really fine," I stood up, "I'm just gonna get some rest." I went to my bedroom, thankful not to encounter Rosalie again, and changed into some pajamas.

Just a few minutes ago I had been so tired and now there was no way I go to sleep. I read a little of one of Carlisle's books about vampires, most of which were hand written. This particular book was very worn and titled 'The Horror of War'. It was about various vampire battles throughout history.

Though it was all extremely interesting I had other things on my mind. I walked over to the desk and pulled out a never before used notebook and pencil. I climbed back onto the bed.

I needed a plan. A list of sorts. Something to work with. It took nearly an two hours but I made my list:

**1. Convince Carlisle to make me a vampire eventually. **

**2. Somehow make sure Charlie's okay. **

**3. Convince Alice not to tell him that I'm with the Cullen's.**

**4. See him.**

**5. Become a vampire.**

That was the list. I ripped it out of the notebook and folded it up. I wasn't sure where to put it but I wanted to make sure no one else fount it. For the moment I slid it into my pajama pants pocket and turned off the light. I had a plan and, starting tomorrow, I was gonna start making it happen.

**Monday**

I can't believe I got so lucky! Rosalie and Emmett were out for some alone time, Jasper and Alice were hunting, and Esme was grocery shopping. The only two people in the house were Carlisle and I, making it the perfect time to talk.

I hesitantly knocked on his study door.

"Come in," he called gently. I slowly walked in, closing the door behind me.

"Hello Bella." His tone was soft and kind, as usual.

"Hi. Uh, can we talk?"

"Sure. Have a seat," he gestured towards the leather seat in front of his desk. I sat down gratefully. "I assumed you be here to talk eventually. When you were ready."

"Ready?" I asked.

"To discuss you becoming a vampire."

I blanched. "Oh, that."

"That is what you want to talk about, right?"

"Well, yeah," I stuttered. I'm not sure why, but I hadn't expected him to know what I wanted.

"Bella, we all think of you as family which is why if you really want to be like us, I will change you." Well that was easier than I thought.

"Really?"

"Yes. When do want me to change you?"

"Um, soon but not very soon."

His blond brows furrowed. "May I ask why?" Here it goes.

"I have a five step plan of sorts and this, talking to you, was step one but becoming a vampire is step five." I fount that it was very easy to talk to Carlisle. He's so honest and trustworthy that I feel completely safe in telling him this.

"Oh. May I ask what the other steps are?"

I didn't hesitate. "No."

He chuckled. "Alright. I was just curious. Let me know when you're ready for 'step five'."

That was it. One step down, four to go.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tuesday**

Jasper is so aggravating! "Jasper, my brain doesn't remember things like yours does!" I kinda shouted as we sat in the living room going over a list of French vocabulary. It's been two days and he wants me to know half the list! I was about to keep yelling, to his amusement (which upset me more), when he stilled. Everyone else was suddenly in room.

Suddenly _my_ orange truck and another car pulled up. I immediately recognized the trucks driver. What I couldn't understand was what he was doing here with them. He was with the people that just a few weeks ago we'd talk about possibly being a gang. It also bothered me that he'd grown again and was more muscular.

I was suddenly reminded of Jacob telling me about his tribes legends and how they were supposedly descendants of werewolf packs. This then reminded me of Junior Prom and words Edw-he had said:

_"I leave you alone for five seconds and the wolves descend." _Wolves? Pack? That's when it clicked and I was pissed. This must have been why he'd stopped coming around a few weeks ago. He had secrets of his own and by the looks of it, about six of them. As they walked towards the house I began to recognize Paul, Quil, Embry, Jared, and the leader, Sam.

Jacob knocked on the door. Carlisle was about to open the door when I beat him to it, swinging it open ferociously.

"I knew it!" Jacob yelled. "I knew you were here with the bloodsuckers." He knows about vampires? Of course he does, being what he is.

"Well congratulations, Sherlock Holmes. You've solved the mystery, now what are gonna do?" I said coldly. I was mad. Though I wasn't quite sure why because I had secrets of my own. I was aware that as we talked the rest of the pack made its way inside the house so I shut the door.

"How could you not tell me, Bella! How could you keep a secret like this from me? They're vampires for god's sake!" What? How could I? How could he!?

"Oh jeez, I don't know _wolfie_. Let me get back to you on that one."

The Sam guy stepped forward to speak in a deep voice. "How do you know that?"

"Well lets see. It had a little bit to do with common sense and a little to do with Jacob telling me the legends." God, I was so mad.

"You told her?" Sam demanded of Jacob.

"Oh don't worry. It's really my fault and besides Jacob wasn't a wolf yet." Oh god. Wolf. I put emphases on Jacobs name so he knew just how mad I was. I wasn't calling him Jake. Jacob glared but it was Sam who spoke again.

"Your fault?" Oh he thought I was serious and I guess I kind of was.

"Can you image having to pry him for information about his legends? Only to discover that the person you love is a vampire. Of course my former friend is also also a werewolf so..." Jacobs eyes narrowed at the word former. I really didn't mean it but I was very angry. My stomach curled at the mention of love.

"You can't love a vampire." Sam stated.

I turned on him. "Don't tell me who I can and can't love! Look at you! How's Emily? Or should I ask how's Leah? Has she recovered from the blow of you throwing her out like a piece of garbage yet?" He stiffened. Jacob had mentioned some sort of complicated love triangle between Sam, Leah, and Emily only in passing and now I'm throwing it in Sam's face.

"You understand nothing about that." He said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, what, did you do some sort of freakish imprint on Emily?" It was a ridiculous guess that I'd gotten from a Disney movie but when all the wolves stilled I knew I was right.

"How did you know about imprinting?" Sam asked, glaring at Jacob who put his hands in the air.

"Ugh, I guessed. Gah!" That was so weird.

"And yet she can't learn a simple French vocabulary," Jasper murmured to Alice.

"It's only been two days!" I snapped at him before redirecting my attention towards Jacob.

"What do you want anyway?" Jacob started,

"To remind the vamps that the treaty say no biting humans. If they do-" he was cut off by Sam.

"No Jacob. No."

"Sam, the treaty says-"

"No, I say Jacob. I say." Sam focused on the rest of us. "There is no imminent danger in Bella becoming a vampire. We ask only that you leave first. We wish for our town to live in peace and it would be best, for everyone," he glanced at Jacob, "If you all left."

I was done talking. Carlisle spoke,

"We are planning on leaving anyway. Just as soon as Bella is prepared." Sam nodded and turned his attention back onto me. He pulled a thick envelope out of his pants pocket and handed it to me.

"This is for you from Sue. I believe it has to do with Charlie." Huh?

"And Sue is..."

"Leah's mother, uh, was Harry Clearwater's wife." He said gruffly. Oh, yeah. The deceased Harry Clearwater.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." I wondered what it could be about. He nodded and the boys began to leave. Jacob stopped at the door and handed me a folded up piece of paper.

"I miss you Bella." With that he was gone. _I miss you too._


	8. Chapter 8

**Tuesday (Continued)**

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, walking over and wrapping her arm around me. There were no words. How many people was I willing to lose to hold on to someone that was already gone?

Everyone, I thought.

"Hey, I didn't know you had it in you to get that mad," Emmett exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood. Jasper elbowed him the ribs before asking,

"Hey, do you wanna go over vocabulary again?" I took the papers from him, shook my head, and headed up stairs. As I sat on my bed I shakily opened the envelope. A letter and a bunch of pictures fell out. I started with the letter:

**June, 4, 2009**

**Dear Bella,**

**The pack keeps me fairly well informed with what is going on and I am semi-aware of your situation. While I do not understand your reasonings, I do understand what it is like to loose someone that you love dearly. Which is why, even when I see poor Charlie's pain, I cannot bring myself to judge you.**

**I want you to know that Charlie will be well taken care of. He has moved into my home though he still visits his home twice a day to see if you've come home. I ensure that he eats and gets a decent amount of sleep and every once and awhile takes a break from his relentless search for you.**

**It's been a week now since the search for you began and when it reaches the two week mark the police will most likely stop there search. I know within time he will heal. I believe he has begun to take comfort in the letter you left for him. Just yesterday he sat with me, telling me that he imagines you Edward sitting on the beach somewhere eating fish and chips all day.**

**Charlie often looks through old photo albums ands stacks of pictures of you. I took it upon myself to take no more than one photo from each album and a few more from each stack. May these photos bring you the same comfort they bring to Charlie. I do wish you the best and hope that, for whatever reason, you have made the right decision.**

**Sincerely,**

**Sue Clearwater**

I sat down the letter with tears in my eyes and pulled my list out of my pocket, crossing off number 2. Charlie would be fine. I then looked through the photos, my heart warming. There were pictures me as a baby with Charlie and Renee, and pictures of me with just Charlie or just Renee as I was growing up. There were even a few picture of Jacob and I. The pictures almost completely subdued me. They gave me the strength to unfold the paper Jacob handed me:

**I'll Always Love You. 206-649-2216**

I picked up the home phone next to my bed and dialed the number anxiously, and a little nauseously. It rang twice.

"Hello?" Jake's voice sounded a little sad.

"Er, Hey," I said lamely.

"Bells! So I guess you read my note." Now he sounded nervous.

"Yeah, I did Jake-"

"Oh so I'm not Jacob anymore?" He chuckled.

"It depends in how this conversation goes." There was silence so I continued, "Look Jacob, you've been my best friend for a long time and I love you but not—never like..." My throat was thick and I couldn't continue.

"Never like the way I love you," he finished my sentence gruffly.

"I-I am so sorry." My eyes were filled with tears threatening to escape and ruin the perfect hollow of myself I'd created.

"Don't be. If you were here now, I'd kiss you."

I almost smiled. "Then it's a good thing I'm not there."

"Aw now don't be that way," I could tell he was smiling.

"Jake, I don't what to say to you."

"You'd think saying goodbye would be easier," I knew he wasn't smiling anymore.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too. If only that we're enough."

"Goodbye Jake."

"'Bye Bells." Before either one of us could say more I hung up shakily.

One step forward, five steps back.

**Wednesday**

I was dressed in a tank top, a pair of shorts and a large black sweatshirt. I spent most of the day staring out my bedroom window, wishing that Jacob had never come by, never told me what he did, and I that I could just pretend everything was fine.

I had given up my father, my mother, my best friend, and had lost the one man I'd been willing to give them all up for. I want him back so much. I'd do anything to have him back. Just him.

**Thursday**

I was dressed similar to yesterday but I functioning more. I was on my way down to the kitchen to eat some breakfast when I passed by his bedroom. I froze, I trait I'd learnt from him. I wonder...

I opened the door and to my surprise it was all there. Everything. He'd left it all behind. My heart inflated. I took a deep and smiled. The room smelled like him. I walked over to his CD player and pressed PLAY. Oh god...my lullaby. I laid down on the couch and before I'd even had that chance to get comfortable, I'd fallen asleep.

...

_Edward and I were laying in our meadow, the sun shining bright revealing his diamond skin. I was laying with my head resting on his chest and he was stroking my hair._

_"You look tired, love. Why are you so tired?" His face was full of concern._

_"I haven't slept well lately. Since you left." There were tears in flowing down my face. He pulled me close and squeezed me tight._

_"Oh, love, I left for you. It's all for you."_

...

"Bella, wake up. Bella," I heard Alice call. I groaned. Why'd she wake me up from such a beautiful dream? I opened my eyes to find her sitting at the other end of the couch.

"Ugh, what do you want?"

"Bella, you've been asleep for hours and _this_, being in Edward's room, really isn't healthy."

"Maybe not, but it makes better. Stronger." She shook her head, exasperated. A question popped into my head. "Why didn't he take this stuff with him?" She shrugged.

"I'm not sure."

I had to ask. "Where is he?" She frowned, looking extremely uncomfortable now. "Where is he, Alice? I know you know."

"Right now he's in Texas." What?

"Why?" She looked more uncomfortable.

"He's tracking Victoria." I shot up.

"What?"

She nodded. "He feels like he owes it to you." Then it dawned on me. He wants to kill her. Kill her for me. No. I can't let that happen.

I stared at Alice till she figured out what I wanted. "No. That's crazy. No."

I stood up. "No, what's crazy is him thinking he can just go off and do something so stupid. He could die."

"He won't-"

"You don't really know that. The future changes. Every single decision changes the future. He could die. I _cannot _let that happen."

His face softened. "Can you handle it?"

"I don't know. But I _do _know that I couldn't handle it if he died." Just saying it makes _me _want to die.

"Fine."

"We'll do it?"

She stood. "We'll do it. We'll go stop Edward."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey! I'm sorry that its been so long! I know it may seem like the story is close to ending but trust me its no where near finished. I hope you like it and remember...review, review, review!**

"This is a bad idea," Jazz groaned at Alice.

She pointed at me. "It's her call."

He turned to me. "Please Bella, this is not the way to deal with this." I could see the fear in his eyes and it was the same fear I felt but his was not for Edward. He was worried about Alice. I didn't no what to tell him. There was no way I couldn't go and it wasn't as if I could run off to face Edward and possibly the evil vampire she-devil by myself. I didn't have the means or the strength. My mind was made up and he could tell.

By this time everyone in the house had joined us. Emmett and Carlisle were offering that we all go.

"No, that won't work," said Alice quickly. "Edward will figure it out if so many people go and he'll just run. Besides, he'll only listen to Bella."

"Alice there has to be another way..." Jasper muttered almost desperately. The two of them shared a moment so private I couldn't bring myself to look. After that it seemed decided.

Alice ran up the stairs and came back holding two passports, one she handed to me. I opened it to find my picture with the name Isabelle Ryan.

The flight to Texas was spent in anticipation and agony. To my slight surprise we got through airport security without a problem. I began to prod Alice with questions the moment we were in the air.

"Where is he in Texas?" I whispered. The plane was headed to Dallas but that didn't mean that's where he was.

"As far as I can tell he's in a forest about ten miles outside of Dallas." She replied, also whispering.

"Doing what?" A forest?

"A little hunting. Mostly waiting."

I gulped. "On Victoria?" My voice was hoarse.

She nodded. "Yes. The way I'm seeing it is that we'll have just enough time to get to him before Victoria shows up. Now, be quiet. I need to focus." I nodded and she closed her eyes, leaning back in her seat. She stayed this way the entire time and I spent my time trying not to panic.

When the plane landed I was off it as soon as I was allowed. Outside the airport Alice told me to wait and came back in yellow sports car. A Porsche, I think. I sat down in the passenger seat I sighed.

"You stole this, didn't you?"

"More like borrowed. I'll bring it back...probably."

I rolled my eyes but moved on. "How long's it gonna take us to get there? Wherever there is."

"Not as long as you think," she said with a smile and took off as fast as she could. I held onto my seat and prayed we got there in time. It was only a few minutes till we were off the main road and on a trail road in a forest.

"Alright in a minute I'm gonna stop and you're gonna run straight from your side of the car until you see him. Run fast because you'll only have a ten minutes till Victoria shows up."

"Wait, you're not coming too?" I was about to panic.

"No, I can't. If he hears my thoughts it'll spook him and he'll run. You have to go alone and please be careful. Today's not the day for a slip and fall in the mud." She was right. I couldn't afford any injuries today.

This also gave me an idea of how far away he was because I know it takes a few miles of distance before Edward couldn't hearhis families minds. Miles in minutes. Oh god.

When she stopped the car we were deep in the forest. I got out and took off into the forest as fast as I could. I was focusing mainly on running as fast as I could and without paying attention to the rest of me so unfortunately I was getting scraped and cut by tree branches and vines everywhere. I didn't mind. I just kept running. My legs were aching and cuts were bleeding but for some miraculous reason, adrenaline maybe, I'd ran far enough I could see Edward. He had his back to me and was standing in a small clearing. Oh god, he looked more perfect than I remembered. Focus.

"Edward!" I screeched. He seemed to jerk a little but he didn't turn around.

"Edward! Edward!" I tried again. This time he turned. He was only a few feet away now and as I came to a stop I almost ran into him.

"Bella," he whispered shocked. "Bella, wha-how?"

I couldn't answer that. Trying not to become overwhelmed by the mere fact that I was seeing him once more I yelled, "Come on! We have to get out of here. Victoria-" This seemed to get more of his attention. I grabbed his hand and he let me pull him through the forest. I was running again, a little more careful, with him. Oh god I don't know if I can do this. When we were close enough that I could see the Porsche in the distance I stopped, panting.

"Bella-" he said in his amazingly beautiful voice but I had to stop him.

"E-Edward, stop. You...you don't have to deal with Victoria. Just leave her be...just don't. I-" this was it. A few tears streamed down my face as emotion swelled inside me. "I-I did what I came to do...I can go now. You-you don't have to see me again." As I found what little strength I had left I tried to walk towards the car but his cool hands pulled me towards him and up against him.

"Bella," he murmured softly. It sounded amazing. "Bella you don't have to go. You don't have to go anywhere without me. Bella, I love you. I left for you because I love you but...I can't live without you." I stopped moving. I stopped breathing. Never in any of my crazy and most wonderful dreams did I ever imagine this would happen.

For a minute our hands were locked on each others faces smothering each other with a longing and desperate kiss. His smooth lips were better than I remembered. He was perfect. His looks, his skin, his taste. It was spectacular.

Then reality struck. Victoria. She was probably almost to where we were a few minutes ago. We had to go. Now.

"We have to go." Our faces were have an inch apart. Until they weren't. Suddenly he was moving me into the backseat of the Porsche and climbing in after. The minute he shut the door Alice turned the Porsche around and took off. Without saying anything. She said nothing and I thought that was really strange. I looked closely at her. Was she holding her breath? That's when I remembered being cut in the forest. I began to examine myself.

I had several cuts and scrapes on me one of the worst on my knee where I must have hit a thick branch. There was blood dripping down my leg. That was the first moment I noticed a pain on my head. I moved my hand to my forehead and felt a sharp sting. When I looked at my hand there was blood on it. I went to put my hand over my forehead but Edward grabbed it, gently putting it in my lap.

"Alice," Edward pleaded. One of her hands began to search through the various compartments. In the glove box was a first aid kit that she tossed Edward's way. He opened it quickly and pulled out a few packaged wipes. He opened one and before I could process it I was in his lap, my cut knee facing him. He began to wipe up the blood and clean the cut as I gasped at the sting. He put a bandaid over my cut and pulled out another wipe, cleaning what must have been a large cut on my face because he used some medical tape and a large bandage to cover it. He then took the used wipes, stuffed them into the first aid kit and sat it beside us. I could barely hear Alice take a breath.

He was finished cleaning my wounds and there was no need for me to be in his lap and yet, I didn't move and he didn't move me. Instead, I rested my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me in a cool embrace. For the first time since he'd left I felt like I was home.


End file.
